I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
