Pappa wants mamma naked
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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