When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
