Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
