His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
