I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
