So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
