Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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