the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
