the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
