im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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