I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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