the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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