I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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