Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
