apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize