just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
