you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
