3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
