Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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