Sponge bath it is.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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