my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
