im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
