your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
