it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
