I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
