My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
