do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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