tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just gargled with NyQuil
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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