You can't motorboat a personality
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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