Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Be still, my beating vagina.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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