Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
