Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize