i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
