You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
