shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
