they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize