what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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