This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
