I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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