Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
