Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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