Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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