Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
