the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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