Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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