yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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