u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
vagina is talking i cant
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
