your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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