I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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