i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
