here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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