I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How external is "for external use only"?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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