Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
