I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
