Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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