Dual....:-)
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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