Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize