That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
