I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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