Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
