i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
