Buhtt sex?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
