is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can I color on your dick again?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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