You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
