she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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