you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
