bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
