I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
