she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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