wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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