I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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