i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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