I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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