you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
