Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am full of burrito and curiosity
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
