ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
