I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize