she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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