I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
