u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
