I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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