You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
