Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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